Although Rediff (rediff.com) is a portal popular only amongst the frustrated Indian male population, who think that this is the only place where they can be at their chauvinist best, but still it should maintain some kind of sanity in the articles that it publishes. Somebody at work forwarded me this link How to pay zero tax on family income of Rs 13.10 lakh. But don’t rejoice just yet, take a look at the article and you’ll understand how stupid it is. Year after year they publish the same stupid article (I get such links every year from someone or the other around budget time). They “reveal” a “loophole” that there is no tax on gifts upto a certain limit, but someone should ask them that there might not be tax on “receiving” money through gifts but the gifter still has to pay the tax on that money, it does not get deducted from his income magically. And even if by some contrived process, this thing works out, it is still useless for salaried people. I wish there was some law with which could ban such portals for spreading misinformation among the public.

(More like heavy metal baritonal incoherent inconsequential utterings, rants, ramblings, or in short “noise“. TO BE IGNORED BY EVERYBODY)

you draw me to a corner, and you whack away,

“quota” is all you’ve got with you,

to throw in everybody’s court, and say “ur turn”

cuz u know noone will volley back

everyone’s got to keep their vote bank

lets just make one more swipe at it

and move another clan up the rank

will make good content for the history books later

how the “Great Indian General Category” ship sank

I’m a part of the majority they say

I’ve suppressed and oppressed so many people

and its their duty bring them up

upto my “high” standards of living.

“high” standards?

Last time I took an college admit

the primary factor was the college’s fees sheet

“hello, can’t hear u, ur voice is breaking up”

is all I can hear in response from u, Mr. politician

As I see another xx% quota announcement on national television

or one about bainsla asking for asking for another y% for his satiation

But anyways, I’ve learnt to live with it everyday

cuz I know a bright future for my grand (or great-grand) kids is at bay

As the time is not that far away, when we listen to this and nod our heads

“Mr. Leader No.xxx announced zz% quota for the general category today”

Answer: “FUD”

FUD = Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt

As we make inroads into newer means of broadcasting technologies, the users of these techs seem to take a few steps backwards (and pretty giant ones at that). In the race to grab the maximum viewers, they have switched their primary profession from news to a bollywood masala blockbuster. Any Indian news channel you switch on is glaringly coated with red colors, many even using explicit pics of bones and skulls etc. to get you hooked, maybe thinking that you will freeze with fear and forget to change the channel with your remote. The news readers are more like wrestling commentators, shouting at the top of their voices and acting better than most B’wood heroes to make sure you understand their importance of being your only saviours in this cruel world.

The reporters (most of which look like either teenage under-grads or ration-walla uncles these days) take a whole minute of air time, repeating the same set of 5–second sentences multiple times, contra-dicting themselves more than once. And you are left wondering which version was correct – the one he started out with, or the one he ended on. Things become even more complicated when the studio guy pitches in with more irrelevant info, a very funny example of this being the Ansal Plaza bomb scare a few years back. This particular news channel had already shown the same 1 minute footage of people thanking Delhi Police from saving them from a bomb more than a fair bit of times, and then the reader chimes in to let us know how cool Ansal Plaza is, how many floors it has and which things and brands are stocked on which floor. Cool, I can prepare my shopping list easily now. Wait, what was that news I was listening to a few minutes ago?

Today, Star News, Aaj Tak, etc told me about another “twist” in the Aarushi murder case. Actually, they infused the twist into my bloodstream. The twist was that her father’s compounder had called some CBI guy one day before the murder. Oh is it, but why? No one knows. Apart from this single line of information, no one had even a semblance of value to add. But hats off to the channel producers, they still managed to beam out an hour (or even more) worth of content from this.

Out of all the news channels, India TV, or whatever it’s spelled like, has a special place. It should be renamed to “Magic TV”, cuz all they show day after day is Chris Angel walking on water, David Blaine staying under water beyond human limitations, Franz Harary making the Statue of Liberty disappear, and even local babas with all their “siddhis” on display. Their expert panel looks like the World Congregation of Astrologists, Palmists, Godmen, vibhuti wale babas, etc. The best part is their punchlines “Kya Ye Ek Narpishaach hai, Ya Ek Khooni Mazaak”. I remember the time when we used to play dumb charades in college with fictitious movies like “Howrah Bridge Se Latkati Lal Khanjar Wali Khooni Chudail”. I guess if Rajat Kapoor had seen me at that time, I would have been quite busy right now as a chief editor or something in his channel.

And as if this was not all, the channels have special “filler” segments running all day rounding up all the jokey-concerts around the country or summarizing the latest happenings in the saas-bahu serials.

I guess Tata Sky should now make a special news-channels-package cuz why should I pay for the whole jumbo pack when the news channels can provide me the complete set of entertainment, except the news of course, which I can always scourge from news.google.com.

As I wrote a few days ago, though India is supposedly the biggest democracy in the country, it hardly displays any signs of being so. Every right of any citizen can be demolished in the garb of democracy. The biggest offenders are our dear leaders, who become leaders to lead India towards a democracticly divided country where, if they could have their wish, every citizen of the country would have his ver own personal state.

The latest example is today’s parliament session, where all of them wanted to garner some free points by asking for waivers for farmers, which will anyways be announced tomorrow. The end result – The session could not be comleted and the speaker had to end it by saying “You are all working overtime to finish democracy in this country”.

But I beg to differ Mr. speaker sir, because they are not working to finish the democracy, they have already finished it. Now, they are just working to get their own monarchy established here..

I woke up today to the news of Chiranjeevi’s fans bashing up someone called Rajsekhar and his family. Now, I don’t know who Rajsekhar is (or didn’t know until I read the news) but still was a bit interested in what act of his brought this to him. And I was aghast to know that the petty reason behind it was that he had stated the fact that Chiru doesn’t have political experience and that he won’t join his party when it’s launched. This little comment of his was enough to enrage Chiru’s fans so much that they chased him on roads in true gundaraj fashion, ultimately catching hold of him and thrashing up not just him but his wife and daughters as well.

When will we stop this fanaticsm, is the only question in my mind. Everywhere I can see a different kind of it. In what is supposedly the largest democracy in the world, the right to freedom of speech seems to be rapidly and democraticly outlawed by a majority of the nation. One can’t live another day if he speaks what he feels about <Insert here the name of any religion, party, community, region, filmstar, and what not>. Everyone has their nose a bit too long this days, especially the one running the country (Someone ought to read them the Pinnochio story). Can’t we just ignore somethings in life. It would make our lives so much smoother. I had read a story as a child which gave an apt analogy. If you offer someone something to eat, and he doesn’t take it, it remains with you. The same way if choose to ignore someone’s comments and walk away, what harm is it doing to you? But I guess such an act is commonly termed as “cowardice” these days.

Now, I think even I must stop or someone reading this might just develop a grudge against me. And I sincerely hope that Chiru’s fans are not tech-savvy enough to go online and read blogs, especially this one. (Wanted to insert a smiley here, but am unable to decide whether this predicament is something to take fun out of or to force oneself to take a look around one)

My friends told me that you cant survive in Dallas without driving and you can’t drive without an IDP (International Driving Permit)…
So began my crusade to get one. Left for chandigarh on thursday. The mission was simple:
1. Go to State Transport Office.
2. Give forms to officer (all forms already completed) for stamp and signature.
3. Come Back

But as it turned out later, the enemy was prepared. The 3-point agenda was just a trap to lure me behind enemy lines…
Each point branched off to several other points and to perplex and torture me further, even recursion was thrown in.

WARNING: For the weak at heart, this is a good point to stop. Cuz the details below are quite gory and graphic. Any resultant effects, like frustration, hair tearing, teeth grinding, etc, will not be my responsibility.

So, let the story begin…
Woke up to a melodious tone ringing in my cell. It was my alarm…
After such a long time, I had seen morning, yeah, I woke up at 7:00. Birds were chirping, a mild breeze blowing outside…The day seemed to be off to a good start…
Came out of my place to find a baba (saint) standing there, who, on seeing me, instantly uttered the words “Videsh yatra nikat hai baccha“. (Foreign travel is near, my child). The day was indeed good. I managed a smile…:)
Well, the first point went off well. Reached the STO (State Transport Office)….
Knocked at the door of the official who had to sign and stamp my papers. No response…
Waited a bit and knocked again. No Response. Opened the door and peered in.. It was empty.. A peon saw me and said, “Madam Chhutti pe hai” (Ma’am is on leave). Is it starting to go wrong? I thought.
Met another officer and was told “Since wednesday and thursday were holidays, so she took the friday off. She’s the only one in this office who can sign ur papers. However you can go to another office near high court. One Mr. X is also authorised to sign.”
Nothing to worry yaar, i told myself..
Went to the office and what do I find, Mr. X is absent. Why? Same reason as before…But then you can go to DC’s office. ADC will sign it.
At ADC’s office when the same episode was repeated I had started to crumble…
Someone told me to go to old STO but they said nothing was done there now. Then came back to new STO. Then a guy gave me a ray of hope. Gave me a slip and asked me to meet someone in the second office. Then in the second office i was given a slip and asked to meet someone in the first office and told that work will surely be done. And guess who was i supposed to meet.
I found out when I came to room no 3. It was the same room where I had knocked first thing in the morning…
Then I was told that my work would be done on monday…But alas, our merciful Government, Monday has also been declared a holiday and here I am, the tortured soul, back in my office, torturing souls like you and deriving sadistic pleasures out of it…